A by-product of seeking and finding is the high expectation placed on the person found. We all have expectations of course, we may be influenced by the positive aspects of the Poly relationships we see on TV, who doesn’t want the love, support and community in their lives as shown by the large Polygamists families (real) Brown and (fictional) Henrickson? Problems occur when we do not let go of these expectations and allow our families to develop the way they are going to develop, free of any person in the relationship trying to mould it into an ideal vision of what they think a successful Poly family entails .
For example, how many women have advertised that they want a woman who will be their best friend, but what if she isn’t? Does this devalue her ‘rightness’ for your family? I will illustrate my thoughts with an example I wish to call the ‘Janelle Brown effect aka JBE'. Janelle, second wife in a long standing and successful Polygamous Brown family from the Sisterwives programme,
She is a direct counter to the best friends forever!!!! mindset littering seeking ads written by wives and I will break down the most common requirements for Sisterwife BFFs.
BFF: Someone to go shopping with.
JBE: Janelle has stated once that she doesn’t want to shop with Meri, Robin and Christine because they spend so much time mucking around instead of shopping.
BFF: Someone to cook with
JBE : Janelle is quite happy to let Christine be the domestic Goddess of the wives.
BFF: Someone to clean with.
JBE: Note Janelle’s face when confronted with the chaos of the cabin in episode 7, series 2.
BFF: Someone to talk to when husband is out at work all day.
JBE: Janelle is the first person up and out of the Brown home in the morning and usually does not return until 7pm.
BFF: Girl time!!!!
JBE: Alone time!!!!!
Janelle doesn’t fit in with the sisterwife expectations and yet she fits in perfectly well in her family because she is allowed to be who she is with her own strengths and weaknesses. Some sisterwives will not be BFFs but they will be friends and/or sisters, some will end up as partners
We can only have strong lasting relationships when we allow them to develop naturally, who is to say that daily mani-pedi gossip sessions are more valuable to your family than a woman who knows how to sort out your finances, do the plumbing or run the family business?